Greetings Merry Jinglers!
That wonderful time of year is almost upon us, when people's dreams turn to snow. When rosy cheeks and leaking noses are the exclamation points on a child's face that say, we had fun today! When the trees stand stark and naked, and the sun peeks at the earth only rarely. When laughter bubbles quietly in the wind, as if to say somewhere a secret has been told! I don't know what the "H" I'm talking about. None of this has anything to do with the movie I just watched, Repo Men. In fact, if you liked the first four sentences of this paragraph, you probably will not like Repo Men.
You've probably never heard of it. It is newer, and I vaguely remember seeing a preview for it a while ago, but really this one seems to have flown under the radar, so to speak. Why do we say, "so to speak?" Is it to enlighten you, constant reader, and let you know that what was just said was not, in fact literal. Just in case when I said that you thought, "This must be an airplane movie where they have to fly somewhere stealthily, thus the allusion to 'under the radar'". Well a pox upon my head, dear friends! I should have more faith in your ability to discern whether or not I am being literal or figurative or metaphorical or hypothetical.
or Allegorical.
Catalogical.
Sabatical.
Hyper-unethical.
Bombastical.
Categorical.
These are words that end in 'ical'.
Word games. heh. I can type whatever I want.
Repo Men stars that one guy with the british accent and that one guy with the squinty eye.... um what are their names? Right! Jude Law and Forest Whitaker. I was actually pleasantly suprised by this movie. Let me first sum up the plot, in a way that reveals nothing of substance, so that you may enjoy this movie yourself.
Set in the near future, this global corporation makes and sells artificial organs on credit. The story revolves around some of this corporation's 'repo men', who's job it is to go and collect the organs if payment is late enough. You read that right. They go and take back the organs if payment is delinquent. This movie is bloody, dry, and not at all shy about showing you what's happening. It approaches it's gore with an almost surgical detachment, as if this is really just another day on the job for these guys. Quite entertaining. I'm telling you, there was a twenty minute span where I sat on my floor with my hands on my cheeks saying, "OH!" over and over. Good stuff. Expect blood and violence. Expect a quick scene of anatomical revelation.(Nudity)
The twist comes when the top repo man is involved in an accident, and must accept an artifical heart. You can probably guess where it goes from there. He misses payment due to not getting right back to work because of the trauma of his accident. Who is sent to repo his heart? His best friend, that's who. Because his boss is a twisted and detached S.O.B. Good fight scenes, adequate dialogue, interesting ideas and, wait for it....
AWESOME ENDING.
I wasn't expecting it. The ending is like this. Imagine you're on a boat. It's a small, beaten vessel and you are tossed about mercilessly on stormy waters. You cling for life. You gasp for breath. You even go so far as to consider a quick end to the matter. You're bed-sheet sail is torn away as your mast is broken in the deluge. Finally the long, dark night draws to an end as dawn begins painting the horizon pink. Waters settle. The rocking of your boat takes on a caring and easy cadence. You catch your breath and whisper a thank you to your God that you survived the storm. Smoother waters are ahead and look! There's an island with what looks like a small village on it! You're saved! You are weary, but you jump and scream until you see a small craft leave the island and head for you. You lay back in your boat and allow yourself to drowse because all is well. You will soon be safe where you belong.
Then a Kraken rears up under you and eats you, boat and all. The end.
So to speak.
.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Road
Greetings once again!
Apparently this was the week for post apocolyptic darkness. The Road stars Viggo Mortensen as the dad who is travelling with his son through an ashy and depressing America in the throes of trying to survive on a dead planet. Thankfully they steered away from the mother earth tree hugging political correctness that they COULD have thrown in there in the name of responsibly managing what's left of our currently failing eco system. Are you driving an SUV or anything bigger than a Hot Wheels? Than you're single handedly responsible for destroying our planet you selfish republican! How dare you! I'm going to fly around in my private jet and hold tent meetings and make a documentary about how oil companies, gas engines, and the last administration have damned this planet to death by their self absorbed commercialism. Oh, hey, take the H3 and get me a Dew and some deep fried jo-jo's at the mini mart there. And a bag of chips in a non bio-degradable bag. and an apple. and this month's Vogue. and a plastic bottle of water that will take 1,000,000,000 years to degrade. and a cigar. On second thought, forget the apple. I've got a plane to catch!!!!!
Anyway, Viggo Mortensen was Aaragorn. Just for reference if you didn't know. AND if you don't know who Aaragorn is, what are you doing reading this? You should be reading the greatest trilogy written in the last 1.5 trillion years. In fact, evolution brought the art of writing to the point it did so that the Lord of The Rings could be written. Look it up, it's true.
Back to The Road. The story focuses on the relationship between the father and the son in a world where what's left of mankind has devolved into horrific violence and cannibalism. The dad is sick and trying to raise his son to be able to go on and survive when he is gone. They have a gun with two bullets left in it. They are trying to get south in the hopes of finding some warmth and something liveable. You would not believe how depressing and dark and sorrowful this movie is. You thought the Book of Eli was dark? Not compared to this. The Road takes dark to a whole new level. The Road packs dark up in a wooden crate wrapped in insulation, wheels it into an elevator and takes it down through the basement into the pit of despair. On the way it cuts the cables and watches dark plummet to the depth of despondency. When it crashes there and the crate bursts open in your brain your left saddened and wondering, what the bleep was the point of that! You actually wonder it so vehemently that it's an exclamation, not a question. Almost like you're personally offended at the auther for writing this.
The point of the story is threefold, I THINK. That the boy is innocent and represents the possibility that mankind can become human again. HOPE. That the dad's paranoia, though safe, actually turns out to be detrimental in several instances. TRUST. And that every son must come to the place that he must say goodbye to his father and strike out on his own road. GROWTH.
Not bad points, right? I poop on these good points. The mere glimmer of hope right at the very end is so faint that you may as well slip the noose over your head or bite the barrell or open the vein or swallow the mayonaise or however you choose to end you. The movie did enough to make me interested in the characters and then rip my heart out of my chest at the end. The issue with this movie isn't the writing, the dialogue and skill and small moments between the dad and son were actually very well written and impacting. That's what made the end seem so hopeless. I won't tell you the end, stop asking.
The Road. Don't watch it if you battle depression. Don't watch it if you love a happy ending. Don't watch it if you have a weak stomach. Don't watch it if you have daddy issues. Don't watch it if you're with your wife. Watch it if you dare.
Apparently this was the week for post apocolyptic darkness. The Road stars Viggo Mortensen as the dad who is travelling with his son through an ashy and depressing America in the throes of trying to survive on a dead planet. Thankfully they steered away from the mother earth tree hugging political correctness that they COULD have thrown in there in the name of responsibly managing what's left of our currently failing eco system. Are you driving an SUV or anything bigger than a Hot Wheels? Than you're single handedly responsible for destroying our planet you selfish republican! How dare you! I'm going to fly around in my private jet and hold tent meetings and make a documentary about how oil companies, gas engines, and the last administration have damned this planet to death by their self absorbed commercialism. Oh, hey, take the H3 and get me a Dew and some deep fried jo-jo's at the mini mart there. And a bag of chips in a non bio-degradable bag. and an apple. and this month's Vogue. and a plastic bottle of water that will take 1,000,000,000 years to degrade. and a cigar. On second thought, forget the apple. I've got a plane to catch!!!!!
Anyway, Viggo Mortensen was Aaragorn. Just for reference if you didn't know. AND if you don't know who Aaragorn is, what are you doing reading this? You should be reading the greatest trilogy written in the last 1.5 trillion years. In fact, evolution brought the art of writing to the point it did so that the Lord of The Rings could be written. Look it up, it's true.
Back to The Road. The story focuses on the relationship between the father and the son in a world where what's left of mankind has devolved into horrific violence and cannibalism. The dad is sick and trying to raise his son to be able to go on and survive when he is gone. They have a gun with two bullets left in it. They are trying to get south in the hopes of finding some warmth and something liveable. You would not believe how depressing and dark and sorrowful this movie is. You thought the Book of Eli was dark? Not compared to this. The Road takes dark to a whole new level. The Road packs dark up in a wooden crate wrapped in insulation, wheels it into an elevator and takes it down through the basement into the pit of despair. On the way it cuts the cables and watches dark plummet to the depth of despondency. When it crashes there and the crate bursts open in your brain your left saddened and wondering, what the bleep was the point of that! You actually wonder it so vehemently that it's an exclamation, not a question. Almost like you're personally offended at the auther for writing this.
The point of the story is threefold, I THINK. That the boy is innocent and represents the possibility that mankind can become human again. HOPE. That the dad's paranoia, though safe, actually turns out to be detrimental in several instances. TRUST. And that every son must come to the place that he must say goodbye to his father and strike out on his own road. GROWTH.
Not bad points, right? I poop on these good points. The mere glimmer of hope right at the very end is so faint that you may as well slip the noose over your head or bite the barrell or open the vein or swallow the mayonaise or however you choose to end you. The movie did enough to make me interested in the characters and then rip my heart out of my chest at the end. The issue with this movie isn't the writing, the dialogue and skill and small moments between the dad and son were actually very well written and impacting. That's what made the end seem so hopeless. I won't tell you the end, stop asking.
The Road. Don't watch it if you battle depression. Don't watch it if you love a happy ending. Don't watch it if you have a weak stomach. Don't watch it if you have daddy issues. Don't watch it if you're with your wife. Watch it if you dare.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The Book of Eli
Greetings Strangers and Friends!
Another fine day for a fine movie. And that fine movie was The Book of Eli. Have you seen it? What did you think?
uh-huh.
Yeah.
Shut up, this isn't your blog. It's mine. Now pay attention.
The Book of Eli stars Denzel Washington as a road weary but dedicated loner travelling through a bleached-out, post-armageddon landscape. He carries a book which he reads dilligently, and he fights off marauders and thieves on his trek. The fight scene under the overpass is awesome. It's all sillhouetted. That's a little detail for ya. I like to throw you a bone now and then to keep you interested. See how great I am. Now get outta here ya bother me.
Eli comes to a town. The day-to-day of survival in this blasted world is well shown here; where actual necessities have become the currency of the day. Books are rare treasures. Water is life. Sunglasses are more important than guns, which most times won't fire. Eli orders just a water in a bar, and the bartender replies, "oh, that's the good stuff.... it'll cost ya." Eli pays in gloves and a hat. Or something equally as trivial in our world today. The point is, before the global holocaust we threw away things that people now kill for.
The story is well told. The camera work is patient and enjoyable. It is a little graphic for those with weaker stomachs, but not excessively so. AND it has Denzel in it. Hello? Denzel Washington people. What was the last movie he made that sucked? That's right, you can't think of one. I reckon there are four types of actors. Good actors who make some poor choices, (Kevin Spacey). Bad actors who make poor choices, (Tom Cruise). Bad actors who make some good choices, (Brad Pitt) and actors who kick a$$, (thank you Denzel).
I'm not kidding. The preview could be crayon drawn and the story could revolve entirely around a hippo chasing her dreams of becoming a ballerina with a crocodile. Along the way she meets a gentle but gruff old goat who delivers wise council through proverbs about toilet activities and teaches her the value of patience and dedication. She then falls in love with a rhino in a leather jacket and a bad attitude, despite the differences of their cultures and his fixation with legos. He is nothing but bad news for her dreams, which she sacrifices to build the perfect life with rhino boy, who leaves her near the end for a plastic pink flamingo in old Mrs. Halloways yard. Through a memory sequence involving the goat she remembers her dreams, and through montage footage she trains and works and becomes the best ballerina she can, in spite of the abusive mother that constantly tells her she's a hippo. The music to the soundtrack is anything by Nickleback and Lady Gaga, and if at any point Denzel popped his head up and said, "I'm in this movie, too" it would instantly become watchable.
The Book of Eli is WAY better than that.
Another fine day for a fine movie. And that fine movie was The Book of Eli. Have you seen it? What did you think?
uh-huh.
Yeah.
Shut up, this isn't your blog. It's mine. Now pay attention.
The Book of Eli stars Denzel Washington as a road weary but dedicated loner travelling through a bleached-out, post-armageddon landscape. He carries a book which he reads dilligently, and he fights off marauders and thieves on his trek. The fight scene under the overpass is awesome. It's all sillhouetted. That's a little detail for ya. I like to throw you a bone now and then to keep you interested. See how great I am. Now get outta here ya bother me.
Eli comes to a town. The day-to-day of survival in this blasted world is well shown here; where actual necessities have become the currency of the day. Books are rare treasures. Water is life. Sunglasses are more important than guns, which most times won't fire. Eli orders just a water in a bar, and the bartender replies, "oh, that's the good stuff.... it'll cost ya." Eli pays in gloves and a hat. Or something equally as trivial in our world today. The point is, before the global holocaust we threw away things that people now kill for.
The story is well told. The camera work is patient and enjoyable. It is a little graphic for those with weaker stomachs, but not excessively so. AND it has Denzel in it. Hello? Denzel Washington people. What was the last movie he made that sucked? That's right, you can't think of one. I reckon there are four types of actors. Good actors who make some poor choices, (Kevin Spacey). Bad actors who make poor choices, (Tom Cruise). Bad actors who make some good choices, (Brad Pitt) and actors who kick a$$, (thank you Denzel).
I'm not kidding. The preview could be crayon drawn and the story could revolve entirely around a hippo chasing her dreams of becoming a ballerina with a crocodile. Along the way she meets a gentle but gruff old goat who delivers wise council through proverbs about toilet activities and teaches her the value of patience and dedication. She then falls in love with a rhino in a leather jacket and a bad attitude, despite the differences of their cultures and his fixation with legos. He is nothing but bad news for her dreams, which she sacrifices to build the perfect life with rhino boy, who leaves her near the end for a plastic pink flamingo in old Mrs. Halloways yard. Through a memory sequence involving the goat she remembers her dreams, and through montage footage she trains and works and becomes the best ballerina she can, in spite of the abusive mother that constantly tells her she's a hippo. The music to the soundtrack is anything by Nickleback and Lady Gaga, and if at any point Denzel popped his head up and said, "I'm in this movie, too" it would instantly become watchable.
The Book of Eli is WAY better than that.
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