Greetings Yule-tide Merry-makers!
It was late, and I was in the mood for a movie, but not a specific movie, and not a movie I've seen already. No, on this solitary night, with my wife slumbering in my bed and Emmett taking up more and more of the space that I prefer to occupy, I decided that I was in the mood to hunt. Like the uncountable generations of dominant males before me, I heard the call to take off my shirt, rub animal excrement on myself, (to mask my scent, of course) take my spear and stalk a wary prey. My adrenaline was up, my standards were down, and my X-box was on. So, I loaded Netflix online and navigated the uncharted territories that are the wasteland between quality and quantity.
For those that don't or have never streamed Netflix movies, what they do is; the more movies you watch the more detailed categories they give you. They even have one category that's "Movies Josh will Love". At this time and at every moment up to this time, there has not been one single movie in that list that I was interested in. No, to say that I would love those would be an excercise in either sarcasm or deceit. For instance, I watch 300, and it deduces that I like slightly homo-erotic bloody action movies, and puts 'Man Hole 2: the Bloody Sequel' in my recommended list. Actually, that one wasn't that bad.
Just kidding.
So, I end up in the science fiction category, and find this movie with the envigorating and imaginative title, MOON. The picture on the cover is of a man in a space suit standing on..... what? The moon. Of course. What did you think it would be, a waterfall? No, that was the cover on the Bloody Sequel. So anyway, I click on this auspicious movie and read the synopsis, and hey! It doesn't sound half bad, so I watch it. And guess what, it was even better than that. Moon stars Sam Rockwell and the disembodied voice of Kevin Spacey.
**Non-Spoiler ALERT!** I'm not going to give anything away here.....
Astronaut Sam Bell is near the end of his 3 year contract on the lunar mining station where he's been stationed by himself. Something bad happens, and some things seem a bit out of whack, and Sam begins to develop the unshakeable feeling that Lunar Industries is not being entirely honest with him and has far more insidious intentions for him than to rocket his replacement to him and return him to earth and his young wife and daughter. Turns out he's right.....
It's a pretty good movie. It does a good job of making you feel that isolation and lonliness that a man in this situation would feel. A lot like they did in that Tom Hanks movie Castaway. It's well acted and well concieved and looks pretty cool too. They stay away from the flashy graphics and imagery, and it causes you to connect to the man and his predicament. It works. I liked it. If you saw it then you agree with me. I know you do without you even having to tell me. If you don't like space movies don't watch it. Oh who am I kidding, I don't really care if you watch it or not. As long as you read this and tell me about it. Seriously, I feel like I'm the lonely astronaut here and no one wants to talk to me... Hello? Earth, are you there? Am I really the only one that thinks this is an interesting past time? Maybe I should blog about what I'm shopping for and cooking for dinner and how constipated I am instead, then you'd read it, huh.
Can't wait for Man Hole 3....
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Repo Men
Greetings Merry Jinglers!
That wonderful time of year is almost upon us, when people's dreams turn to snow. When rosy cheeks and leaking noses are the exclamation points on a child's face that say, we had fun today! When the trees stand stark and naked, and the sun peeks at the earth only rarely. When laughter bubbles quietly in the wind, as if to say somewhere a secret has been told! I don't know what the "H" I'm talking about. None of this has anything to do with the movie I just watched, Repo Men. In fact, if you liked the first four sentences of this paragraph, you probably will not like Repo Men.
You've probably never heard of it. It is newer, and I vaguely remember seeing a preview for it a while ago, but really this one seems to have flown under the radar, so to speak. Why do we say, "so to speak?" Is it to enlighten you, constant reader, and let you know that what was just said was not, in fact literal. Just in case when I said that you thought, "This must be an airplane movie where they have to fly somewhere stealthily, thus the allusion to 'under the radar'". Well a pox upon my head, dear friends! I should have more faith in your ability to discern whether or not I am being literal or figurative or metaphorical or hypothetical.
or Allegorical.
Catalogical.
Sabatical.
Hyper-unethical.
Bombastical.
Categorical.
These are words that end in 'ical'.
Word games. heh. I can type whatever I want.
Repo Men stars that one guy with the british accent and that one guy with the squinty eye.... um what are their names? Right! Jude Law and Forest Whitaker. I was actually pleasantly suprised by this movie. Let me first sum up the plot, in a way that reveals nothing of substance, so that you may enjoy this movie yourself.
Set in the near future, this global corporation makes and sells artificial organs on credit. The story revolves around some of this corporation's 'repo men', who's job it is to go and collect the organs if payment is late enough. You read that right. They go and take back the organs if payment is delinquent. This movie is bloody, dry, and not at all shy about showing you what's happening. It approaches it's gore with an almost surgical detachment, as if this is really just another day on the job for these guys. Quite entertaining. I'm telling you, there was a twenty minute span where I sat on my floor with my hands on my cheeks saying, "OH!" over and over. Good stuff. Expect blood and violence. Expect a quick scene of anatomical revelation.(Nudity)
The twist comes when the top repo man is involved in an accident, and must accept an artifical heart. You can probably guess where it goes from there. He misses payment due to not getting right back to work because of the trauma of his accident. Who is sent to repo his heart? His best friend, that's who. Because his boss is a twisted and detached S.O.B. Good fight scenes, adequate dialogue, interesting ideas and, wait for it....
AWESOME ENDING.
I wasn't expecting it. The ending is like this. Imagine you're on a boat. It's a small, beaten vessel and you are tossed about mercilessly on stormy waters. You cling for life. You gasp for breath. You even go so far as to consider a quick end to the matter. You're bed-sheet sail is torn away as your mast is broken in the deluge. Finally the long, dark night draws to an end as dawn begins painting the horizon pink. Waters settle. The rocking of your boat takes on a caring and easy cadence. You catch your breath and whisper a thank you to your God that you survived the storm. Smoother waters are ahead and look! There's an island with what looks like a small village on it! You're saved! You are weary, but you jump and scream until you see a small craft leave the island and head for you. You lay back in your boat and allow yourself to drowse because all is well. You will soon be safe where you belong.
Then a Kraken rears up under you and eats you, boat and all. The end.
So to speak.
.
That wonderful time of year is almost upon us, when people's dreams turn to snow. When rosy cheeks and leaking noses are the exclamation points on a child's face that say, we had fun today! When the trees stand stark and naked, and the sun peeks at the earth only rarely. When laughter bubbles quietly in the wind, as if to say somewhere a secret has been told! I don't know what the "H" I'm talking about. None of this has anything to do with the movie I just watched, Repo Men. In fact, if you liked the first four sentences of this paragraph, you probably will not like Repo Men.
You've probably never heard of it. It is newer, and I vaguely remember seeing a preview for it a while ago, but really this one seems to have flown under the radar, so to speak. Why do we say, "so to speak?" Is it to enlighten you, constant reader, and let you know that what was just said was not, in fact literal. Just in case when I said that you thought, "This must be an airplane movie where they have to fly somewhere stealthily, thus the allusion to 'under the radar'". Well a pox upon my head, dear friends! I should have more faith in your ability to discern whether or not I am being literal or figurative or metaphorical or hypothetical.
or Allegorical.
Catalogical.
Sabatical.
Hyper-unethical.
Bombastical.
Categorical.
These are words that end in 'ical'.
Word games. heh. I can type whatever I want.
Repo Men stars that one guy with the british accent and that one guy with the squinty eye.... um what are their names? Right! Jude Law and Forest Whitaker. I was actually pleasantly suprised by this movie. Let me first sum up the plot, in a way that reveals nothing of substance, so that you may enjoy this movie yourself.
Set in the near future, this global corporation makes and sells artificial organs on credit. The story revolves around some of this corporation's 'repo men', who's job it is to go and collect the organs if payment is late enough. You read that right. They go and take back the organs if payment is delinquent. This movie is bloody, dry, and not at all shy about showing you what's happening. It approaches it's gore with an almost surgical detachment, as if this is really just another day on the job for these guys. Quite entertaining. I'm telling you, there was a twenty minute span where I sat on my floor with my hands on my cheeks saying, "OH!" over and over. Good stuff. Expect blood and violence. Expect a quick scene of anatomical revelation.(Nudity)
The twist comes when the top repo man is involved in an accident, and must accept an artifical heart. You can probably guess where it goes from there. He misses payment due to not getting right back to work because of the trauma of his accident. Who is sent to repo his heart? His best friend, that's who. Because his boss is a twisted and detached S.O.B. Good fight scenes, adequate dialogue, interesting ideas and, wait for it....
AWESOME ENDING.
I wasn't expecting it. The ending is like this. Imagine you're on a boat. It's a small, beaten vessel and you are tossed about mercilessly on stormy waters. You cling for life. You gasp for breath. You even go so far as to consider a quick end to the matter. You're bed-sheet sail is torn away as your mast is broken in the deluge. Finally the long, dark night draws to an end as dawn begins painting the horizon pink. Waters settle. The rocking of your boat takes on a caring and easy cadence. You catch your breath and whisper a thank you to your God that you survived the storm. Smoother waters are ahead and look! There's an island with what looks like a small village on it! You're saved! You are weary, but you jump and scream until you see a small craft leave the island and head for you. You lay back in your boat and allow yourself to drowse because all is well. You will soon be safe where you belong.
Then a Kraken rears up under you and eats you, boat and all. The end.
So to speak.
.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Road
Greetings once again!
Apparently this was the week for post apocolyptic darkness. The Road stars Viggo Mortensen as the dad who is travelling with his son through an ashy and depressing America in the throes of trying to survive on a dead planet. Thankfully they steered away from the mother earth tree hugging political correctness that they COULD have thrown in there in the name of responsibly managing what's left of our currently failing eco system. Are you driving an SUV or anything bigger than a Hot Wheels? Than you're single handedly responsible for destroying our planet you selfish republican! How dare you! I'm going to fly around in my private jet and hold tent meetings and make a documentary about how oil companies, gas engines, and the last administration have damned this planet to death by their self absorbed commercialism. Oh, hey, take the H3 and get me a Dew and some deep fried jo-jo's at the mini mart there. And a bag of chips in a non bio-degradable bag. and an apple. and this month's Vogue. and a plastic bottle of water that will take 1,000,000,000 years to degrade. and a cigar. On second thought, forget the apple. I've got a plane to catch!!!!!
Anyway, Viggo Mortensen was Aaragorn. Just for reference if you didn't know. AND if you don't know who Aaragorn is, what are you doing reading this? You should be reading the greatest trilogy written in the last 1.5 trillion years. In fact, evolution brought the art of writing to the point it did so that the Lord of The Rings could be written. Look it up, it's true.
Back to The Road. The story focuses on the relationship between the father and the son in a world where what's left of mankind has devolved into horrific violence and cannibalism. The dad is sick and trying to raise his son to be able to go on and survive when he is gone. They have a gun with two bullets left in it. They are trying to get south in the hopes of finding some warmth and something liveable. You would not believe how depressing and dark and sorrowful this movie is. You thought the Book of Eli was dark? Not compared to this. The Road takes dark to a whole new level. The Road packs dark up in a wooden crate wrapped in insulation, wheels it into an elevator and takes it down through the basement into the pit of despair. On the way it cuts the cables and watches dark plummet to the depth of despondency. When it crashes there and the crate bursts open in your brain your left saddened and wondering, what the bleep was the point of that! You actually wonder it so vehemently that it's an exclamation, not a question. Almost like you're personally offended at the auther for writing this.
The point of the story is threefold, I THINK. That the boy is innocent and represents the possibility that mankind can become human again. HOPE. That the dad's paranoia, though safe, actually turns out to be detrimental in several instances. TRUST. And that every son must come to the place that he must say goodbye to his father and strike out on his own road. GROWTH.
Not bad points, right? I poop on these good points. The mere glimmer of hope right at the very end is so faint that you may as well slip the noose over your head or bite the barrell or open the vein or swallow the mayonaise or however you choose to end you. The movie did enough to make me interested in the characters and then rip my heart out of my chest at the end. The issue with this movie isn't the writing, the dialogue and skill and small moments between the dad and son were actually very well written and impacting. That's what made the end seem so hopeless. I won't tell you the end, stop asking.
The Road. Don't watch it if you battle depression. Don't watch it if you love a happy ending. Don't watch it if you have a weak stomach. Don't watch it if you have daddy issues. Don't watch it if you're with your wife. Watch it if you dare.
Apparently this was the week for post apocolyptic darkness. The Road stars Viggo Mortensen as the dad who is travelling with his son through an ashy and depressing America in the throes of trying to survive on a dead planet. Thankfully they steered away from the mother earth tree hugging political correctness that they COULD have thrown in there in the name of responsibly managing what's left of our currently failing eco system. Are you driving an SUV or anything bigger than a Hot Wheels? Than you're single handedly responsible for destroying our planet you selfish republican! How dare you! I'm going to fly around in my private jet and hold tent meetings and make a documentary about how oil companies, gas engines, and the last administration have damned this planet to death by their self absorbed commercialism. Oh, hey, take the H3 and get me a Dew and some deep fried jo-jo's at the mini mart there. And a bag of chips in a non bio-degradable bag. and an apple. and this month's Vogue. and a plastic bottle of water that will take 1,000,000,000 years to degrade. and a cigar. On second thought, forget the apple. I've got a plane to catch!!!!!
Anyway, Viggo Mortensen was Aaragorn. Just for reference if you didn't know. AND if you don't know who Aaragorn is, what are you doing reading this? You should be reading the greatest trilogy written in the last 1.5 trillion years. In fact, evolution brought the art of writing to the point it did so that the Lord of The Rings could be written. Look it up, it's true.
Back to The Road. The story focuses on the relationship between the father and the son in a world where what's left of mankind has devolved into horrific violence and cannibalism. The dad is sick and trying to raise his son to be able to go on and survive when he is gone. They have a gun with two bullets left in it. They are trying to get south in the hopes of finding some warmth and something liveable. You would not believe how depressing and dark and sorrowful this movie is. You thought the Book of Eli was dark? Not compared to this. The Road takes dark to a whole new level. The Road packs dark up in a wooden crate wrapped in insulation, wheels it into an elevator and takes it down through the basement into the pit of despair. On the way it cuts the cables and watches dark plummet to the depth of despondency. When it crashes there and the crate bursts open in your brain your left saddened and wondering, what the bleep was the point of that! You actually wonder it so vehemently that it's an exclamation, not a question. Almost like you're personally offended at the auther for writing this.
The point of the story is threefold, I THINK. That the boy is innocent and represents the possibility that mankind can become human again. HOPE. That the dad's paranoia, though safe, actually turns out to be detrimental in several instances. TRUST. And that every son must come to the place that he must say goodbye to his father and strike out on his own road. GROWTH.
Not bad points, right? I poop on these good points. The mere glimmer of hope right at the very end is so faint that you may as well slip the noose over your head or bite the barrell or open the vein or swallow the mayonaise or however you choose to end you. The movie did enough to make me interested in the characters and then rip my heart out of my chest at the end. The issue with this movie isn't the writing, the dialogue and skill and small moments between the dad and son were actually very well written and impacting. That's what made the end seem so hopeless. I won't tell you the end, stop asking.
The Road. Don't watch it if you battle depression. Don't watch it if you love a happy ending. Don't watch it if you have a weak stomach. Don't watch it if you have daddy issues. Don't watch it if you're with your wife. Watch it if you dare.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The Book of Eli
Greetings Strangers and Friends!
Another fine day for a fine movie. And that fine movie was The Book of Eli. Have you seen it? What did you think?
uh-huh.
Yeah.
Shut up, this isn't your blog. It's mine. Now pay attention.
The Book of Eli stars Denzel Washington as a road weary but dedicated loner travelling through a bleached-out, post-armageddon landscape. He carries a book which he reads dilligently, and he fights off marauders and thieves on his trek. The fight scene under the overpass is awesome. It's all sillhouetted. That's a little detail for ya. I like to throw you a bone now and then to keep you interested. See how great I am. Now get outta here ya bother me.
Eli comes to a town. The day-to-day of survival in this blasted world is well shown here; where actual necessities have become the currency of the day. Books are rare treasures. Water is life. Sunglasses are more important than guns, which most times won't fire. Eli orders just a water in a bar, and the bartender replies, "oh, that's the good stuff.... it'll cost ya." Eli pays in gloves and a hat. Or something equally as trivial in our world today. The point is, before the global holocaust we threw away things that people now kill for.
The story is well told. The camera work is patient and enjoyable. It is a little graphic for those with weaker stomachs, but not excessively so. AND it has Denzel in it. Hello? Denzel Washington people. What was the last movie he made that sucked? That's right, you can't think of one. I reckon there are four types of actors. Good actors who make some poor choices, (Kevin Spacey). Bad actors who make poor choices, (Tom Cruise). Bad actors who make some good choices, (Brad Pitt) and actors who kick a$$, (thank you Denzel).
I'm not kidding. The preview could be crayon drawn and the story could revolve entirely around a hippo chasing her dreams of becoming a ballerina with a crocodile. Along the way she meets a gentle but gruff old goat who delivers wise council through proverbs about toilet activities and teaches her the value of patience and dedication. She then falls in love with a rhino in a leather jacket and a bad attitude, despite the differences of their cultures and his fixation with legos. He is nothing but bad news for her dreams, which she sacrifices to build the perfect life with rhino boy, who leaves her near the end for a plastic pink flamingo in old Mrs. Halloways yard. Through a memory sequence involving the goat she remembers her dreams, and through montage footage she trains and works and becomes the best ballerina she can, in spite of the abusive mother that constantly tells her she's a hippo. The music to the soundtrack is anything by Nickleback and Lady Gaga, and if at any point Denzel popped his head up and said, "I'm in this movie, too" it would instantly become watchable.
The Book of Eli is WAY better than that.
Another fine day for a fine movie. And that fine movie was The Book of Eli. Have you seen it? What did you think?
uh-huh.
Yeah.
Shut up, this isn't your blog. It's mine. Now pay attention.
The Book of Eli stars Denzel Washington as a road weary but dedicated loner travelling through a bleached-out, post-armageddon landscape. He carries a book which he reads dilligently, and he fights off marauders and thieves on his trek. The fight scene under the overpass is awesome. It's all sillhouetted. That's a little detail for ya. I like to throw you a bone now and then to keep you interested. See how great I am. Now get outta here ya bother me.
Eli comes to a town. The day-to-day of survival in this blasted world is well shown here; where actual necessities have become the currency of the day. Books are rare treasures. Water is life. Sunglasses are more important than guns, which most times won't fire. Eli orders just a water in a bar, and the bartender replies, "oh, that's the good stuff.... it'll cost ya." Eli pays in gloves and a hat. Or something equally as trivial in our world today. The point is, before the global holocaust we threw away things that people now kill for.
The story is well told. The camera work is patient and enjoyable. It is a little graphic for those with weaker stomachs, but not excessively so. AND it has Denzel in it. Hello? Denzel Washington people. What was the last movie he made that sucked? That's right, you can't think of one. I reckon there are four types of actors. Good actors who make some poor choices, (Kevin Spacey). Bad actors who make poor choices, (Tom Cruise). Bad actors who make some good choices, (Brad Pitt) and actors who kick a$$, (thank you Denzel).
I'm not kidding. The preview could be crayon drawn and the story could revolve entirely around a hippo chasing her dreams of becoming a ballerina with a crocodile. Along the way she meets a gentle but gruff old goat who delivers wise council through proverbs about toilet activities and teaches her the value of patience and dedication. She then falls in love with a rhino in a leather jacket and a bad attitude, despite the differences of their cultures and his fixation with legos. He is nothing but bad news for her dreams, which she sacrifices to build the perfect life with rhino boy, who leaves her near the end for a plastic pink flamingo in old Mrs. Halloways yard. Through a memory sequence involving the goat she remembers her dreams, and through montage footage she trains and works and becomes the best ballerina she can, in spite of the abusive mother that constantly tells her she's a hippo. The music to the soundtrack is anything by Nickleback and Lady Gaga, and if at any point Denzel popped his head up and said, "I'm in this movie, too" it would instantly become watchable.
The Book of Eli is WAY better than that.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Righteous Kill
Greetings Cine-phanatics and friends!
Yes, I just made up a word. You probably just thought to yourself, "cine-phanatics... really? And we've come to expect such quality from you, MovieMan. You really let us down on that one. In fact, I am considering never reading your useless blog again in light of the current level of phonetic neglect." Well you know what, shut up! I know what you're thinking and I know what's best for you, so crimp it shut and read. Or suffer under the weight of your own eternal neglect. It's thoughts like that that lead me to call into question your very character! Read on.
I just watched Righteous Kill. Literally. Just watched it. Robert DeNiro. Al Pacino. What is it about these guys that makes you think, I gotta like this movie cause these guys are in it? I mean, they look old, tired and bored. Sure they're great actors and all. I mean, how could I even consider calling their skills into question after quality material like Meet the Fockers and whatever recent crap-fest Pacino did. You pick. For some unquantifiable reason these two grandpas are just fun to watch. Somehow they can deliver stimulating and authentic dialogue like
"We did good... didn't we?"
"Yeah, we did good."
"I wish you continued success..."
Really? And it's not until later that you realize, holy fuzzy poop on a popsicle stick! That dialogue was pasted from every other emotional death scene ever filmed ever in the history of ever, with a scoop, nay, a shovel-full of corny good will on top. Why didn't I realize it as I sat through it!?!?! The answer is simple. They tricked you into believing the movie, and since, upon it's ending you said to yourself, "that was all right, I would recommend that to my friends..." they know that you've committed your opinion and are 86% less likely to change it after the fact, like say, when you stand up from your couch and massage your numb left buttock and slowly start to realize you've been hornswoggled.
Bedazzled.
Short-sheeted.
Stumped.
Cornwallopped.
I made that last one up.
I think.
Tricked.
This movie isn't awesome. It also isn't awful. There are a lot of F-bombs. But that's because that's how real people talk, man, who are like, famous and trying not to look like it. You know who doesn't drop the Farfenugen bomb every sentence? Fake people. Just take it from Hollywood. After all, they tell us what to think about politics, why shouldn't they also dictate our moral standing? That's what I think.
At this time I just want to say a few things about Al Pacino's hair. Dang, man. Remember back in the 80's and 90's when girls would brush a big old heap of hair back, but leave these huge round bangs parted forward over their foreheads? I'm not kidding, that's what Pac's hair is like. I have this mental image of what happens between every take. Al sits down on the nearest bench/chair/underling and says, "HAIR!" and is then surrounded by a team of coiffur maintanance experts all dressed in matching overalls with promotional patches all over them. They go to work with blow dryers, hair spray, combs, pneumatic drills, new tires and avian mountain water until the pit chief shouts, "Go go go go GO!!!!" And they jump out of the way as Al races out of the pit lane and back to work, firing one of the underlings on the way. I'm pretty sure it happens exactly like that.
So watch this movie. Or don't. It does have an all right suprise at the end, the acting isn't horrible, and a famous rapper who's pretending to be an actor posing as a drug dealer does get shot and killed, so that's a plus. I wonder if that was a visual metaphor for his career?
Yes, I just made up a word. You probably just thought to yourself, "cine-phanatics... really? And we've come to expect such quality from you, MovieMan. You really let us down on that one. In fact, I am considering never reading your useless blog again in light of the current level of phonetic neglect." Well you know what, shut up! I know what you're thinking and I know what's best for you, so crimp it shut and read. Or suffer under the weight of your own eternal neglect. It's thoughts like that that lead me to call into question your very character! Read on.
I just watched Righteous Kill. Literally. Just watched it. Robert DeNiro. Al Pacino. What is it about these guys that makes you think, I gotta like this movie cause these guys are in it? I mean, they look old, tired and bored. Sure they're great actors and all. I mean, how could I even consider calling their skills into question after quality material like Meet the Fockers and whatever recent crap-fest Pacino did. You pick. For some unquantifiable reason these two grandpas are just fun to watch. Somehow they can deliver stimulating and authentic dialogue like
"We did good... didn't we?"
"Yeah, we did good."
"I wish you continued success..."
Really? And it's not until later that you realize, holy fuzzy poop on a popsicle stick! That dialogue was pasted from every other emotional death scene ever filmed ever in the history of ever, with a scoop, nay, a shovel-full of corny good will on top. Why didn't I realize it as I sat through it!?!?! The answer is simple. They tricked you into believing the movie, and since, upon it's ending you said to yourself, "that was all right, I would recommend that to my friends..." they know that you've committed your opinion and are 86% less likely to change it after the fact, like say, when you stand up from your couch and massage your numb left buttock and slowly start to realize you've been hornswoggled.
Bedazzled.
Short-sheeted.
Stumped.
Cornwallopped.
I made that last one up.
I think.
Tricked.
This movie isn't awesome. It also isn't awful. There are a lot of F-bombs. But that's because that's how real people talk, man, who are like, famous and trying not to look like it. You know who doesn't drop the Farfenugen bomb every sentence? Fake people. Just take it from Hollywood. After all, they tell us what to think about politics, why shouldn't they also dictate our moral standing? That's what I think.
At this time I just want to say a few things about Al Pacino's hair. Dang, man. Remember back in the 80's and 90's when girls would brush a big old heap of hair back, but leave these huge round bangs parted forward over their foreheads? I'm not kidding, that's what Pac's hair is like. I have this mental image of what happens between every take. Al sits down on the nearest bench/chair/underling and says, "HAIR!" and is then surrounded by a team of coiffur maintanance experts all dressed in matching overalls with promotional patches all over them. They go to work with blow dryers, hair spray, combs, pneumatic drills, new tires and avian mountain water until the pit chief shouts, "Go go go go GO!!!!" And they jump out of the way as Al races out of the pit lane and back to work, firing one of the underlings on the way. I'm pretty sure it happens exactly like that.
So watch this movie. Or don't. It does have an all right suprise at the end, the acting isn't horrible, and a famous rapper who's pretending to be an actor posing as a drug dealer does get shot and killed, so that's a plus. I wonder if that was a visual metaphor for his career?
Monday, September 20, 2010
Avatar
Greetings Intrepid Exporers!
Avatar. You've heard about it. You've thought about. Heck, maybe you've already seen it. That's okay, cause whatever you've thought about it, you're still curious to know what I think about it. That's why you're here. That's why I'm here. That's why this tall perspiring glass of (favorite beverage here) is here. To get us through this.
Avatar. James Cameron did a bang-up job on this. The imagination and creative juice that went into this could be measured by the gallons. If it were a liquid measurement. If it were not a liquid measurement, I wouldn't have said 'creative juice'. Juice is a liquid, dumb person, and that's why it's okay for me to assume a measurement of liquid. It wouldn't make any freakin sense if I said 'the creative juice could be measured by the mile.' Why? Because you can't mix your units of measurements in your comparisons. A measurement of distance doesn't jive with a liquid medium. How many more times can I say liquid in this blog?
As I was watching Avatar I had this sense most of the way through it that I was watching the magnum opus of a talented artist. I'm not kidding. The movie is beautiful. I don't mind some of the subtler alegories or even how the story is told so that humans are evil and the indiginous peoples are holy and right. Because it fits the story. There are some amazing techniques, and some astounding ideas employed in the making and enjoying of this movie. It is absolutely worth seeing. IF you don't mind heavy handed political brainwashing delivered not so subtly by a big angry white dude who clearly represents the devil, i.e. western culture. There are a couple of one liners delivered through the course of this motion picture that literally left me stunned. Not just because of how blatantly political they were, but because they were so blatant in a story where they didn't make any sense.
I commented on just this sort of thing in my introduction post, the first one I did. If you didn't read it, shame on you for not reading these in a cronological order.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is, worth seeing for the visuals. Not worth seeing if you can't stomach over-stated political rhetoric in a fictional epic. That kind of rhymed. If a system of government ever relied on it's artists to lead, you know what would happen? Nothing. Because artists create art, they make things that are interesting to see, hear or even take part in. They can even change cultures for the better, (or worse). Thank you every disco artist ever, for proving my point. They dialogue in this movie is kind of like a disco song that's taking itself too seriously. All shiny and bright and well imagined, but when performed, even well, it sounds pretty tacky. The Beegees would not make good governers. Neither would actors.
Liquid.
Avatar. You've heard about it. You've thought about. Heck, maybe you've already seen it. That's okay, cause whatever you've thought about it, you're still curious to know what I think about it. That's why you're here. That's why I'm here. That's why this tall perspiring glass of (favorite beverage here) is here. To get us through this.
Avatar. James Cameron did a bang-up job on this. The imagination and creative juice that went into this could be measured by the gallons. If it were a liquid measurement. If it were not a liquid measurement, I wouldn't have said 'creative juice'. Juice is a liquid, dumb person, and that's why it's okay for me to assume a measurement of liquid. It wouldn't make any freakin sense if I said 'the creative juice could be measured by the mile.' Why? Because you can't mix your units of measurements in your comparisons. A measurement of distance doesn't jive with a liquid medium. How many more times can I say liquid in this blog?
As I was watching Avatar I had this sense most of the way through it that I was watching the magnum opus of a talented artist. I'm not kidding. The movie is beautiful. I don't mind some of the subtler alegories or even how the story is told so that humans are evil and the indiginous peoples are holy and right. Because it fits the story. There are some amazing techniques, and some astounding ideas employed in the making and enjoying of this movie. It is absolutely worth seeing. IF you don't mind heavy handed political brainwashing delivered not so subtly by a big angry white dude who clearly represents the devil, i.e. western culture. There are a couple of one liners delivered through the course of this motion picture that literally left me stunned. Not just because of how blatantly political they were, but because they were so blatant in a story where they didn't make any sense.
I commented on just this sort of thing in my introduction post, the first one I did. If you didn't read it, shame on you for not reading these in a cronological order.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is, worth seeing for the visuals. Not worth seeing if you can't stomach over-stated political rhetoric in a fictional epic. That kind of rhymed. If a system of government ever relied on it's artists to lead, you know what would happen? Nothing. Because artists create art, they make things that are interesting to see, hear or even take part in. They can even change cultures for the better, (or worse). Thank you every disco artist ever, for proving my point. They dialogue in this movie is kind of like a disco song that's taking itself too seriously. All shiny and bright and well imagined, but when performed, even well, it sounds pretty tacky. The Beegees would not make good governers. Neither would actors.
Liquid.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Shutter Island
Greetings Faithful Movie-Lovers!
I recently saw Shutter Island. You should see it too. The reason I say this is simple. Because it's a good movie. It's better than that fourth sequel about the lovable night watchman at the museum or the billionth re-telling of the tale of a cute couple who go through stuff, break up, and then get back together. Oh hey I should have said spoiler alert cause I just gave away the whole story of every romantic comedy ever. Dang.
Wait, I take that back. There was a couple of RC's that I've seen recently that did NOT go through the usual mind numbing cliche story points. I'll try to write about them sometime so you brothers of mine can have somewhere to turn to when you get to that desert place where you know you just have to sit through that movie that SHE is gonna like. I know how it goes. Back to Shutter Island.
Why should I see another DiCraprio suck-fest centered around how good he looks with water dripping from his hair, you might ask me. And if you did ask me, I would say, shut up person I don't really know very well I'm working/thinking/writing/crapping right now. You pick the activity. Go ahead, it makes it more like this is OUR story instead of just mine. But if you busted in on me while I was sitting on the throne to ask me about Leo DiCap I would shout your name from the rooftops holding a sign with your face on it wearing big girl glasses and rainbow lip gloss. Don't bother me when I'm on the toilet, man!
Shutter Island is good. Part of the way through, when you make a guess about it and it turns out to be right towards the end, don't say to yourself, "not another one of THESE stories!" but rather realize that the twist at the end is not the point of the tale. As a culture, as a movie watching generation we've become jaded enough to guess almost any twist while simultaneously we somehow belive that the point of any given movie is that the twist towards the end better suprise us and leave us mouth agape. Nay! Good sir/madam! The twist merely serves to make the point of the movie. In Fight Club the point was know and be yourself. In the 6th Sense the point was don't talk to me if you're dead. Or a bald fading action star.
Likewise, the point of Shutter Island is not merely to arrive at the twist. Think about the character, think about the shocking yet poignant moments of the history that brought him to where he is. Think about his desicion at the end. Think about not arguing in your head with what I'm saying right now and realizing that yet again, I'm right. I like Shutter Island. Shut up Carleton.
I recently saw Shutter Island. You should see it too. The reason I say this is simple. Because it's a good movie. It's better than that fourth sequel about the lovable night watchman at the museum or the billionth re-telling of the tale of a cute couple who go through stuff, break up, and then get back together. Oh hey I should have said spoiler alert cause I just gave away the whole story of every romantic comedy ever. Dang.
Wait, I take that back. There was a couple of RC's that I've seen recently that did NOT go through the usual mind numbing cliche story points. I'll try to write about them sometime so you brothers of mine can have somewhere to turn to when you get to that desert place where you know you just have to sit through that movie that SHE is gonna like. I know how it goes. Back to Shutter Island.
Why should I see another DiCraprio suck-fest centered around how good he looks with water dripping from his hair, you might ask me. And if you did ask me, I would say, shut up person I don't really know very well I'm working/thinking/writing/crapping right now. You pick the activity. Go ahead, it makes it more like this is OUR story instead of just mine. But if you busted in on me while I was sitting on the throne to ask me about Leo DiCap I would shout your name from the rooftops holding a sign with your face on it wearing big girl glasses and rainbow lip gloss. Don't bother me when I'm on the toilet, man!
Shutter Island is good. Part of the way through, when you make a guess about it and it turns out to be right towards the end, don't say to yourself, "not another one of THESE stories!" but rather realize that the twist at the end is not the point of the tale. As a culture, as a movie watching generation we've become jaded enough to guess almost any twist while simultaneously we somehow belive that the point of any given movie is that the twist towards the end better suprise us and leave us mouth agape. Nay! Good sir/madam! The twist merely serves to make the point of the movie. In Fight Club the point was know and be yourself. In the 6th Sense the point was don't talk to me if you're dead. Or a bald fading action star.
Likewise, the point of Shutter Island is not merely to arrive at the twist. Think about the character, think about the shocking yet poignant moments of the history that brought him to where he is. Think about his desicion at the end. Think about not arguing in your head with what I'm saying right now and realizing that yet again, I'm right. I like Shutter Island. Shut up Carleton.
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